“The words of a whisperer or
slanderer are as dainty morsels or words of sport [to some, but to others are
as deadly wounds], and they go down into the innermost parts of the body [or
the victim’s nature].”—Proverbs 26:22 (Amplified)
Gossip and slander can ruin
reputations, families, break up marriages, separate friends, destroy
communities and divide churches. Knowing
that gossip and slander does so much damage has not stopped people from either
gossiping/slandering or participating in it.
People have come to me for prayer about gossiping. They are embarrassed about gossiping and
wanted to stop, but because of the habit of gossiping they continued to
practice it. One person described her
issue with gossiping as, “It is like my friends expect me to have the latest
information on whomever we are talking about.
It was not until the person received understanding about why they
gossiped and slandered people that they were able to receive deliverance.
First, people gossip so that they
can feel good about themselves. The
gossiper’s ego is boosted when they tell of other’ sins and mistakes, and it
makes them feel superior to the person that they are talking about. Gossipers tend to draw other people into
their own hurt and anger. When they tell
their side of the story they want their friends to side in with them, so that
when the story is repeated it is slanted in their favor.
Secondly, gossip is a six-letter
word that produces emotions of excitement, pain or guilt. Excitement comes from gossip because it is the
unredeemed human nature to want to hear something bad about others and repeat
it. In some nations of the world,
tabloids sold are filled with unfounded stories about the rich and the famous—gossip/slander.
We should realize that participating
in negative conversations harms us spiritually; it creates confusion that can
lead to deception. We are admonished in
Proverbs 20:19 about associating with gossipers, “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore do not
associate with one who flatters with his lips.”
The one gossiped or slandered about
usually ends up in emotional pain. One
time I heard this illustration that really makes the point of the effects of
gossip. A man in a small town slandered a minister for quite some time. One day, feeling bad about what he had done,
he went to the minister to ask for forgiveness and to see what he could do to repair
the damage done by the gossip. The minister
forgave the man, but told the man to take a pillow and cut it up and shake out
the feathers. The man did as he was told
and then asked the minister what to do next.
The minister told him to, “Go collect all the feathers.” The man replied that it was impossible
because the feathers went everywhere.
The minister said that is the point, “It is impossible to repair the
damage done by your words as it is to recover all the feathers.” Gossip may be fun for a moment, but in
the end it will only produce hurt, guilt and pain that you are not able to
repair on your own.
Gossip also hurts the gossiper. According to psychiatrist Antonio Wood, when
you speak ill of someone, you alienate yourself from that person. Say bad things about many people and your
words will separate you from them. Guilt
is another emotion that is felt when the gossiper knows in his or her heart
that it is wrong to slander and talk about someone behind his or her back. When we do not follow the biblical principle
of telling someone about a trespass, we feel guilty. “Moreover
if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15).
The following are some ways that
gossiping can be avoided.
- Seek a repentant and clean heart from God so that you will have the power to resist talking negatively about others. Confess to Him the times that you have gossiped or criticized in the past, and ask Him to forgive and transform you. Release any pride or fear that is obstructing you from making the changes you would like, and be open to God’s correction and guidance. Examine your heart and ask the Lord to show you the reason why you are tempted to speak negatively, and ask Him for the strength to confront and overcome those reasons.
- Pray for the people that you have hurt—either purposely or inadvertently by speaking negatively about them. Bind and pluck up those Words in the spiritual realm, and ask God to heal them. Pray for the people who have hurt you in the past through their negative words about you. Bind and pluck up those Words in the spiritual realm, and ask God to heal you. Forgive them and ask God to let them be aware of His loving presence with them.
- Ask God to help you resist being pulled into negative conversations. The following are some ways that I have used to help determine the speaker’s motivation in telling me something. I ask questions such as, “Is this something I need to hear about?” “Who told you this information?” “Have you spoken to those people who are directly involved with this situation?” “Before you share any further with me, what are you expecting from me?”
- If you get into a situation that you can not get out of quickly, you can respond to gossip and slander with powerful positive words to heal when confronted with destructive, negative words. “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
- Another key to positive communication is to remember the simple saying about the word, think.
T—Is it true?
H—Is it helpful?
I—Is it inspiring?
N—Is it necessary?
K—Is it kind?
The Apostle Paul provides a key for
incorporating these concepts, “Finally,
brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things
are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things
are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything
praiseworthy—mediate on these things” (Philippians 4:8). let
us all use the power of our words for lifting and healing people.
Prayer—Father
I repent for any time that I have knowingly or unknowingly gossip/slandered or
participated in gossip or slander. I ask
you to forgive me, and reveal any hidden agenda of pride in my heart. By the power of Your Spirit, I bind and pluck
up any words that I have spoken or that have been spoken against me, and I ask
You to heal the emotional pain that these words have caused, in Jesus Name.
Amen.
